Watching "Brené Brown: the Call to Courage" on Netflix tonight has been an absolute privilege. It really resonated with me, particularly with where I'm at right now.
It's really easy to slip back and cruise when things feel a little chaotic and uncomfortable. When we are uncomfortable with our vulnerability, it's easy to default into sticking to your comfort zone and not taking risks.
Brené Brown talks about the fear of criticism. Do you engineer smallness in your life? We'veg all been there. You stick to the status quo and don’t take chances or don’t put yourself out there... because you don’t know whether you can withstand the criticism.
When we've put ourselves out there and regretted it, finding ourselves in a shame shitstorm (her term... I love this term!) you know, where you slip into hibernation, numbing ourselves with tv or a movie. Probably unhealthy foods etc... She reminds us that "it’s not the critic who counts". The credit belongs to the person who’s stepped up into the arena. The one who’s taking chances.
If you choose to be in the arena... You’re going to fall. You’re going to get your arse kicked. If you’re not in the arena, stepping out of your comfort zone then your opinion actually doesn’t count.
Each day when you get out of bed, say to yourself "Today I’ll choose courage over comfort".
Vulnerability is having the courage to show up when you don’t know the outcome. There are millions of cheap seats in the world. It’s not that you don’t give a shit about what anybody thinks, it’s that you don’t give a shit about what some people think. The people who make the list are the people who care about and love you not despite your imperfection and vulnerability but because of your imperfection and vulnerability.
How can you let yourself be loved if you don’t let yourself be seen. When you have thoughts running through your head during uncomfortable conversations, have the courage to say “The story I’m telling myself is...”
Vulnerability
It is often considered to be:
shame
Scarcity
fear
anxiety
uncertainty
But it also gives birth to:
love
belonging
joy
"The opposite of belonging is fitting in."Belonging is speaking your truth. Being yourself... who you are.
Practice gratitude... Allow yourself to lean into joy.
Understanding what we can do better to "show up":
- When you are grateful for what you have, you are able to understand the magnitude of what has been lost. It can be healing.
- The ordinary things... the simple moments that you don't take notice of when they are happening. You miss them when they're no longer there and gone. We're quick to chase the extraordinary moments while just skipping over the ordinary.
- Just do the joyful thing for the hell of it.
Work Vulnerability
empathy
trust
innovation
creativity
inclusivity/equity
hard conversations
feedback
problem-solving
ethical decision making
No vulnerability = no creativity.
No tolerance for failure = no innovationWe need to ensure we build a vulnerable culture. To not have the conversations because they make you uncomfortable is the definition of privilege. When we build cultures at work where there is zero tolerance for vulnerability, where perfectionism and armour are rewarded and necessary... you can’t have difficult productive conversations.
We spend more than half of our lives at work. You can’t have a joyful wholehearted life if you are miserable at work.
Brave leaders are never silent around hard things.
Our job is to excavate the unsaid.Vulnerability is defined as: uncertainty risk or emotional exposure. There is no courage without uncertainty or risk.
The Myths of vulnerability:
1. Vulnerability is weakness2. I don’t do vulnerability
3. I can go it alone
4. You can engineer the uncertainty and discomfort out of vulnerability.
5. trust comes before vulnerability
6. Vulnerability is disclosure
You choose who has the right to share your story. Vulnerability minus boundaries is not vulnerability. You don’t measure vulnerability by the amount of disclosure, you measure it by the amount of courage to show up.
Vulnerability is scary and it feels dangerous... but it’s not as scary and dangerous as getting to the end of our lives and saying “what if I would’ve shown up?” What if I would’ve said I love you?
Kia ora Mel,
ReplyDeleteI did not realise Brene Brown was on Netflix and I can see my wife and I watching it shortly. A lot of this resonates strongly with me in leadership. Vulnerability is something I have also found to be important when supporting others. Possibly my over-sharing nature leads to a sharing of my vulnerability, which helps build relationships and trust.
When looking at this last week, I found Brene's work supports the use of Patrick Lencioni's Five Dysfunctions of a Team learnings in my work.
One thing we talked about was Shame Shields, the act of:
Moving towards - Seeking to appease and please
Moving away - Withdrawing, Hiding, Silencing, Keeping secrets
Moving against - Trying to gain power over others, Being aggressive, Using shame to fight shame.
My go-to shame shield is moving away, and I am hoping the learning I did last week is going to support me in having those necessary conversations.
What is your shame shield?
Nga mihi,
Mark